I look at Rudy Giuliani, and I see someone who is the most laid back, relaxed, stress-free candidate in the '08 race by far. He shows up to campaign events with a feeling of confidence, and I get the sense that he’s pretty certain he has the elephant’s nomination pretty much locked up. I see him as the Bill Clinton of Republicans. He shows up at an event filled with Republican supporters and is, without thinking twice, greeted with person after person, shaking hands, joking and having supportive pats on the back like he just bombed Iraq or something. Everything is cool when he's with his base. They see him as a holy, flying spirit who flew down on 9/11, gave them all one big hug and whisked them all away to safety, promising them that soon enough, some brown people would get theirs, which to the hardcore’s, is like a bowl of warm milk to a kitten. They just really, really love explosions, bright colors and war. They're like six year olds at recess without the attention span.
Rudy is, though, without a doubt, greeted like a rock star wherever he goes. Like Bill Clinton, he's paid huge sums of dough for public speaking events. And also like Bill, his dysfunctional family actually gives him a boost in the polls. I think it's because we as Americans generally look for a President who will be fast on his feet, ready to make decisions, knows what he wants to do, but isn't too steadfast in letting some policy get boring. Just like the Afghanistan invasion. It wasn't exciting enough, there wasn't enough action, we wanted more "KABOOM!" Bin Laden was no where to be found, so we decided to go after another bearded brown man, enacting Operation "Shock and Awe", also known as: Operation "Don't Worry, We Don't Know What the Hell We're Doing, Either".
But like I say, we Americans want a fast-paced guy (or girl) on their feet who doesn't lag behind on policy. Which is where Rudy gets much of his appeal. He's with one wife for a while, gets a little tired of her. Find another pretty gal, but got a little stale after a while. So now he's settled comfortably, a typical family man with children who don’t want him as President.
When we see Rudy walk on stage at a Republican fundraiser, the roof is raised, and the tops come off. It's all fun and games until Ted Haggard joins in the skin fun. Believe me, chicken wings, Bud Light and remembrance of 9/11 leadership go together like Barack Obama and voters over the age of 19.
Rudy is basically the Snoop Dogg of political events. He shows up, a woman hanging on to each arm, a fresh suit, people praising his name like he's our lord and savior, jumping up and down, and really just like seeing him there more than any of his actual work. In that sense, there’s another parallel to Bill Clinton.
Here's my perspective of America's Mayor. When I look at Rudy, I see a nurse at a hospital. Nurses provide you the greatest relief that anyone could ever ask for, and God knows I owe everything to the amazing people who helped me through my emergency appendicitis removal four years ago. They give you all the comfort you need plus more, they're there to give you medicine, fluff your pillows, help you through the whole ordeal and let you know that everything is going to be alright. But while they do this, someone has to actually go in and perform the surgery. I, like everyone, need someone to hold my hand and give me the support I need. But hold my hand or not, my appendix is going to burst without someone there to remove it. And while Rudy is the figure of comfort who was there to help us through 9/11 and hold our hand, someone needs to be there to acquire quality health care to every man, woman and child, work to end poverty, feed the hungry, help the homeless and get us out of Iraq, not someone who is there to give us a hug and tell us a story, but not be able to do anything to actually help us. We need a real President who knows how to perform the universal surgery of making America what it used to be, a country of complete optimism, health, quality, strength and the leading moral example to the rest of the world. On 9/11, Rudy nursed us through the horror of that day and the days that followed, but I’m not sure that he can perform the universal surgeries that millions of Americans are in such dyer need of undergoing.
To be fare, though, Rudy did used to dance in drag at Radio City Music Hall, so maybe some of this already reconciles with the Mayor.
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